The whole Process of wooing!

here's something a good friend sent to me ...its a nice article writing by Dave Barry about this whole wooing process...this is for those guys who've always been smitten by most women ...i guess that's the way it is...that's the way the fabric of life has been woven...

Survival of mankind rides on the successful pickup line

~ BY DAVE BARRY

This classic Dave Barry column was originally published on Sept.
26,1999.

So I was at this party, and I wound up at a table where three
Attractive single women were complaining about - Surprise! - men.
Specifically,they were complaining about the pickup lines that had been used on them
in a bar a few nights earlier.

One woman said: ''This guy comes up to me and says, 'Are you a
teacher?' I mean, is that supposed to be romantic?''All three women rolled all six of their eyes.

Another one of them said: ''This guy says to me, 'I've been looking at
you all night!' So I go, 'Hel-LO, we just GOT here.'''

At this point all three women - and I want to stress that these are
intelligent, nice women - were laughing. Not me. I was feeling bad for
the guys.I realize that there are certain hardships that only females must
endure, such as childbirth, waiting in lines for public-restroom
stalls, and a crippling, psychotic obsession with shoe color. Also,
females tend to reach emotional maturity very quickly, so that by age 7 they
are no longer capable of seeing the humor in loud inadvertent public blasts of
flatulence, whereas males can continue to derive vast enjoyment from
this well into their 80s.

So I grant that it is not easy being a female. But I contend that
Nature has given males the heaviest burden of all: the burden of always
having to Make the First Move, and thereby risk getting Shot Down. I don't
Know WHY males get stuck with this burden, but it's true throughout the
animal kingdom. If you watch the nature shows on the Discovery Channel,
you'll note that whatever species they are talking about - birds,
crabs, spiders, clams - it is ALWAYS the male who has to take the
initiative.It's always the male bird who does the courting dance, making a total
moron of himself, while the female bird just stands there, looking
aloof, thinking about what she's going to tell her girlfriends. (''And
then he hopped around on one foot! Like I'm supposed to be impressed by
THAT!'').

Male insects have it the worst. The Discovery Channel announcer is
always saying things like: ''After the mating, the female mantis bites
off the male mantis' head, and then she and her girlfriend mantises use
it to play a game that looks a lot like Skee Ball.''

Because I live in Florida, my patio is basically a giant singles bar
For lizards. On any given day during mating season, I'll see dozens of
male lizards out there making their most suave lizard move, which consists
Of inflating and deflating a red pouch under their chins. They seem to
think that female lizards really go for a guy with a big chin pouch,
But I have never once, in 14 years of close observation, seen a female
respond. They just squat there looking bored, while all around them
males are blinking on and off like defective warning lights.

Every now and then you'll see an offbeat TV news story about some
animal, usually a moose, that has for some reason fallen in love with,
and decided to relentlessly court, something totally inappropriate,
such as a lawn tractor. This animal is ALWAYS a male. On the TV, they
show It hanging around the lawn tractor with a big, sad, moony look, totally
smitten, while the lawn tractor cruelly ignores it.

My point here is that, in matters of the heart, males have the brains
Of a walnut. No, wait! That is not my point. My point is that perhaps
you women could cut us males a little bit of slack in the move-making
process, because we are under a lot of stress. I vividly remember when
I was in 10th grade, and I wanted to call a girl named Patty and ask
her to a dance, and before I picked up the phone, I spent maybe 28 hours
rehearsing exactly what I was going to say. So when I actually made the
call, I was pretty smooth.

''Hello, Dance?'' I said. ''This is Patty. Do you want to go to the
Dave with me?''

Fortunately Patty grasped the basic thrust of my gist and agreed to go
to the dance. This was a good thing, because if she had shot me down, I
would have been so humiliated that I would have never have been able to
go back to school. I would have dropped out of 10th grade and lied
About my age and joined the U.S. armed forces, and as a direct result
the Russians would have won the Cold War.

That is the awesome power that you women have over us men. I hope you
understand this, and the next time a guy walks up and uses some
incredibly lame, boneheaded line on you, I hope that, instead of
laughing at him, you will remember that he is under the intense
pressure of wanting to impress you enough so that you might want to get
to know him better and maybe eventually, perhaps within the next 15 minutes,
mate with him, thereby enabling the survival of the human race, which
believe me is the only thing that we males are truly concerned about.

In conclusion, let me just say to all females everywhere, on behalf of
all males everywhere, that you are very beautiful and your eyes are
like two shining stars, unless you're a female fly, in which case your
eyes are more like 2,038 shining stars. So please give us a chance. And if
you're not interested, could you introduce us to your lawn tractor?